“I’m Living the Best I Can, and I’m Successful Enough”

Women in Their 20s Speak out about Work: Living as Outsider

Gangga | 기사입력 2021/08/22 [21:51]

“I’m Living the Best I Can, and I’m Successful Enough”

Women in Their 20s Speak out about Work: Living as Outsider

Gangga | 입력 : 2021/08/22 [21:51]

Editor’s note: Ilda is publishing the stories that women in their twenties have written about their work experiences. The series receives funding from the Korea Foundation for Women’s Funding for Gender-Equal Society.

 

‘You can’t always live as an outsider like that, can you?’

 

My mom called. She says there’s something called a certificate for youth counseling.

“How about getting that certificate? You can’t always live as an outsider like this, can you?”

“Mom, I’m happy these days. I feel good doing the things I want to do. I can’t save money but I’m not starving, and I’m able to pay my rent on time.”

“Leading a happy life while doing what you want is important, I agree. But wouldn’t you be able to do something greater afterwards if you obtained that certificate now?”

“…. Okay, fine. I’ll look in it.”

 

I’m 23 years old this year, an age at which mistakes are no longer excused merely by youth. Most of my peers have graduated college and have either entered the job market, gone off to graduate school, or are putting off their choice. I go to Korean National Open University (KNOU). You can attend KNOU by paying 400,000 won a quarter, which is one-tenth the price of normal universities. I don’t have to take out loans; I pay the tuition by earning money while I’m studying.

 

▲ “I didn’t have enough passion for college to go there if it meant taking out a loan.” ©Gangga


I didn’t have enough passion for college to go there if it meant taking out a loan. I also didn’t want to live a life in which I had to mortgage my present for my future. I once thought of not going to college at all. But after facing the fact that there are obstacles that trip you up when you try to do what you want without a college degree, I settled on KNOU.

 

Starting from around when I was 17 years old, I earned my pocket money myself by working. Working meant independence. Earning money, standing on my own two feet, and being free from all other interferences—my entire life was focused on this. From early on I wasn’t committed to my studies, preoccupied instead with trying to quickly find an alternative path rather than grow up following the steps predetermined by society. I was more interested in planning other things than reading books. You could say that I chose the path of an outsider early.

 

But in order to live as an outsider, you need the spirit of a street fighter. You have to make it through life by learning lessons the hard way. 

 

My first job remains a fond memory

 

In reality, when a dunce with no college degree, no certificates or other definite qualifications starts out to get a job, only the lowest-paying part-time jobs welcome you. Once I accepted this, I could find several jobs that seemed manageable as I combed through online job sites. Or, when I got lucky, I was able to get work through the help of people I knew, where the value of the work was more than just the money it paid.

 

Looking back at the work I’ve done, I now know what choices satisfy me. Comparing the work I did in the past with my present, I feel that I’ve come closer to the work I myself can enjoy doing.  

 

The first work I did following my own will was working part-time at Paris Baguette at age 17. At that time, their hourly wage was 2,800 won [about 2.50 USD]. (The legal minimum hourly wage was 3,480 won in 2007.) In the countryside, behind closed doors the rules for minimum wages were not followed. Despite the attitude of many business owners that ‘there are a lot of people who can do this work besides you,’ there were no young people who argued against the injustice of this practice to recover their rights.

 

I didn’t even know how much the minimum wage was, and since I was excited just by the fact that I was working and earning money for myself, I worked diligently, like a fool. The hourly wages increased by 200 won every 3 months, and it was only after a year that I was able to receive the legal minimum wages. Luckily, I had a smooth relationship with the manager as well as the people I worked with, and there was also the advantage of being able to share the leftover baked goods from the store with my friends. I still have fond memories of my first working experience. Probably this is because the labor was not just a means of earning money, but a means of gaining experience.

 

Desperate for money, but more desperate for relationships

 

After I started to live on my own upon coming to Seoul, working became a necessity for making a living, not merely as a way to earn pocket money. After concluding that I would need around 600,000 won per month for living costs (rent, food, transportation, phone bill, etc.), I started waiting tables at a barbeque restaurant for 6,500 won an hour. I had made up my mind to work at least 3 months, but I ended up quitting within a month.

 

I had thought that I would work hard 5 hours a day, from 10am to 3pm, and then have some time of my own during the evening, but I was too worn out both mentally and physically at the end of the day after coming home from work, and wasn’t able to do anything. I had to sweat during the cold winter to earn that hourly wage of 6,500 won. But that sweat wasn’t able to comfort me as I worked hard, and it felt worthless. I wasn’t able to talk with the people I worked with either. I was desperate for money. But I was more desperate for the opportunity to talk with the people I worked and build relationships, even though that meant that I would earn less.

 

▲ I started to work at a community café of a village. There were many chances to form relationships with people here, but it was hard to earn money. ©Gangga


After quitting the job at the barbeque restaurant, I started to work at a community café in a friendly neighborhood. It wasn’t an official cooperative but a café that aimed to be one.  The job wasn’t perceived as a mere part-time job; its title was “café master,” and the people who held it were able to develop menus and form groups on their own. Opportunities to talk with people and form relationships were abundant here, but the monthly wages were only around 400,000 won.

 

There’s a saying that if a person becomes desperate she will do anything. Starting from last year, I’ve been managing a “Gangga Counseling Center” in the community café. When I thought about what I could do, the answer was counseling. I’m interested in the work of assessing and understanding the characteristics and tendencies of individuals in ways such as sajupalja [predicting one’s fortune and destiny according to the Four Pillars and Eight Characters which refer to the year, month, day, and hour of one’s birth], Enneagram, MBTI, and Original Tarot, and my ultimate goal is to become a counselor who cures people’s minds and bodies.

 

At the present, I do counseling work interpreting people’s sajupalja based on my studies of it 4 years ago at a humanities community. Actually, I started studying it to break down the wall of prejudice people have towards sajupalja, such as regarding it as superstition, or thinking that one needs to be a possessed shaman to practice it, or that the studying it is difficult. People seek fortune tellers when they need certainty or when they are anxious. While studying divination, it occurred to me that such certainty did not derive from other people’s mouths but were made by the people themselves. So when I meet people, I don’t one-sidedly interpret their sajupaljua to them but invite them to study it together.

 

It has been almost a year since I’ve started Gangga Counseling Center, and I have now gained the confidence that counseling does not necessarily require a certificate to practice. I learned that there are many people around me who need a place to share their complaints, sadness, worries, and small stories. Above all, I enjoy and am encouraged the most when I meet younger people. It’s because of the fact that I can share their anxieties and also have my own experiences to share, and because I enjoy the anticipation of discovering something within in them. But Gangga Counseling Center alone isn’t enough to make a living.

 

Right now, I have quit working at the community café, and am earning 300,000 won a month assisting disabled people and 200,000 won from meeting 20 people a month at Gangga Counseling Center. And I earn 50,000 won by teaching yoga. I’m digging out and putting to use all the labor abilities I can find in myself. You could say that I’m doing everything I know how to do that can make money.

 

▲ I don’t dictate to people their sajupaljua but invite them to study it together. ©Gangga


Life these days: barely earning the amount I need for each month

 

These days, when I barely earn the amount I need for each month, I occasionally get anxious about my future. The feeling gets worse when my mom calls urging me to get a certificate. But when I examine the reasons why my I’m anxious about my future, it’s because I keep comparing myself with others. I’m anxious when I don’t judge success by my own standards and instead link my success with what others acknowledge as success.

 

If, as my mom says, I come to need a certificate to do something greater in the future, I’m thinking of trying hard then. But on my way home on days like today, when I’m drained from working as an assistant for disabled people, interpreting sajupalja at Gangga Counseling Center, and finally, teaching yoga, I tell myself, “I’m living the best I can, and I’m successful enough.”

 

A smile of satisfaction comes to my face, because even though I don’t have a lot of money, I live comfortably enough, and even if it’s not a big one, I’ve taken one step closer to the work I want to do and the life I want to have. Although I might seem like an outsider who does whatever she wants, I’m quite happy.

 

Translated by Rose

Published: March 12, 2014

*Original article: http://ildaro.com/6614

 

◆ To see more English-language articles from Ilda, visit our English blog(https://ildaro.blogspot.com).

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